Obituaries and the art of telling the story of a life

Most of the obituaries published in our newspapers and tributes appearing in funeral programmes are unimaginative, repetitive and, frankly, poorly written. [Prof Egara Kabaji]

Let me make yet another confession today. I am an avid reader of obituaries in the media. I also pay close attention to tributes in funeral programmes. I read them with considerable interest. This fascination is not morbid. I am not a witch. I am just interested in how we tell stories about people who have departed this world.

I have read dozens of obituaries and tributes this year, and I can tell you one thing: we have a serious problem with obituary writing in this country.

Most of the obituaries published in our newspapers and tributes appearing in funeral programmes are unimaginative, repetitive and, frankly, poorly written. They even shame the dead they are meant to exalt. Most of them often read like photocopies of one another. Let me explain before you hit me on the head.

The common lines in a typical Kenyan obituary are well known. "The deceased was hardworking, God-fearing, loving, generous, humble and a pillar of the family and community." Every person appears to have been a saint. The language is predictable, the descriptions are recycled and the accounts lack individuality. You could remove the deceased's name from some of these accounts and replace it with another without anyone noticing the difference.

Do not deceive yourself. Not everyone is capable of writing a creative obituary. Obituary writing is a specialised form of writing. This is not simply an exercise in announcing someone's death.

You do not just need to list the deceased's educational qualifications, family members and surviving relatives. This is hardly an opportunity to string together flattering adjectives. An obituary should be a literary account of a human life. It is a work of narrative nonfiction that demands research and imagination. You cannot do it without good writing skills.

A good obituary requires structure. It must have an engaging beginning, a coherent development and a satisfying conclusion. The opening lines are particularly important. They should capture the reader's attention and establish what made the deceased distinctive. Instead of beginning with the predictable announcement that so-and-so was born on a particular date, a smart writer introduces a memorable incident or a defining contribution. Such an opening gives the reader a reason to continue reading. I rarely see this.

I get embarrassed reading the body of most obituaries that do not develop a story. A good obituary is not merely a chronological record of someone's life. It should identify the defining experiences, relationships, struggles and achievements that shaped the individual.

Where did the person come from? What circumstances shaped their character? What did they contribute to their family, profession or community? What will people remember about them? These are questions that should guide the writer. This should be done with precision. Sometimes one is expected to tell the story in just about 225 words.

That is why obituary writing is both a science and an art. Rather than simply describing someone as generous, tell us about an occasion when that generosity changed somebody's life. Instead of calling someone humorous, recount an incident that illustrates their sense of humour. A carefully selected anecdote can reveal more about a person than a dozen complimentary adjectives.

One thing I have noticed is that most obituaries are constructed from hearsay. A good writer needs to establish facts, consult people who knew the deceased and verify important dates, events and accomplishments.

Family members, colleagues, friends and professional associates may offer different perspectives. These accounts help reconstruct a fuller picture of the individual. The writer, however,  must exercise judgement in selecting what is relevant and interesting.

Let me turn to the question of honesty. Death seems to have a curious capacity to transform ordinary human beings into saints. People who had weaknesses and made serious mistakes are suddenly presented as flawless individuals.

A meaningful obituary does not require the manufacture of perfection. It requires a fair and compassionate representation of a human being. It is possible to celebrate someone's achievements without pretending that they never failed.

In any writing, language matters and the same applies to obituary writing. It should be engaging and economical. There is no need for exaggerated praise and tired expressions. A good obituary writer must understand that the objective is to help the reader encounter the person whose life is being remembered. Every sentence should contribute to the portrait being created.

Let us always remember that an obituary also has a life beyond the funeral. It becomes part of the historical record. Years after the burial, somebody may read it to understand a parent's contribution or the circumstances of a particular generation. In this sense, obituary writing is also an act of preserving collective memory. It rescues individual lives from the anonymity of history.

I think the dead do not deserve a collection of flattering words. That is why I have crafted an obituary about myself, which I hope to place together with my will so that no one claims that I was a saint when my time to meet my Creator comes.